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Ten Tips for Parents of Special Needs Children

Being a parent is the starring role in our lives, isn’t it? Parenting is more rewarding than we ever imagined…but for most parents, it’s also more challenging than we expected it to be. The challenges start with simple but important decisions like choosing a pediatrician and daycare provider and buying the right toys. These challenges shift and intensify as our children become school age and we have to be the at-home teacher, disciplinarian, coach, and primary motivator.

Now imagine that you are the new parents of a baby with special needs. Enter a whole new set of challenges for which most parents are completely unprepared, according to occupational therapist and special needs expert Catherine Risigo- Wickline.

“Parents of children with special needs – whether they are physical disabilities, learning disorders, behavioral challenges or a combination – often don’t have the support and expertise they need, so they’re incredibly frustrated and stressed,” she says. Risigo-Wickline is founder and president of Children’s Therapy Center, a leading, statewide program dedicated to helping children reach their optimal development. The Center provides hands-on care, training programs and a wide collaboration network for families, caregivers, educators and health care professionals.

While much of her focus is on evaluating and treating children with special needs, Risigo-Wickline says that an equally important part of her job is to give the parents of these children the support they need to fulfill their roles. The following are ten tips she has developed based on her experience working with the parents of special needs children.

Keep a good paper trail. Having a special needs child leads to a seemingly endless number of medical appointments. Be sure to request copies of all reports from physicians and specialists who examine and evaluate your child. Risigo-Wickline explains that the report you’re looking for is not a copy of the insurance form, which you always receive at the end of an office visit, but the written assessment of your child developed by each practitioner who sees that child. Unless you ask, you won’t receive it and this report can be helpful to other to share with other team members such as other healthcare specialists and school systems.

Be a good detective. Once you learn that your child has special needs, begin researching the resources available in your community. One of the most helpful resources for parents of special needs infants is Connecticut’s Birth to Three program (www.birth23.org). InfoLine (dial 211) can also provide you with a complete list of resources in your area

Follow your gut. Depending on the nature of a child’s medical situation, getting a firm diagnosis and treatment plan you are comfortable with can be a challenge. Risigo-Wickline says that parents should listen to their intuition if they aren’t comfortable with what their child’s healthcare practitioners are telling them. “When it comes to learning disabilities, it’s not uncommon for two experts to disagree on the root of the problem and on the best approach to help the child,” she explains. This is where the parents must use their best judgment and, above all, be assertive in seeking other opinions if necessary.”

Find a home care provider with whom you are comfortable. Families with a special needs child may be good candidates for a home health care provider to assist with certain tasks associated with the child’s physical needs. If you find your family in this situation, make sure that the home health nurse and/or aide are comfortable interacting and playing with your child in the way that you expect. This will greatly enhance the experience for both you and your child.

Find a qualified daycare provider. Finding a day care provider who is trained and equipped to care for a special needs child can be another challenge. This is why Risigo-Wickline founder and president of Kangaroo’s Korner Early Childhood Learning Center, which cares for children of “all abilities”. Kangaroo’s Korner is located in Watertown, Connecticut. To locate a day care provider in your community who serves children with special needs, call InfoLine at 211.

Find and train a qualified baby sitter. This can be a real challenge because most sitters are unprepared to care for a special needs child. Ask your child’s therapists, daycare providers and other families you know for recommendations of responsible sitters with experience caring for children with additional needs. Then, work to train the sitter to care for your child, asking for help from therapists and home health providers with training if needed. Info line (211) can also assist you finding qualified child care providers.

Select appropriate toys. Ask your child’s teacher or therapists for advice for toys that are appropriate to your child’s development level. Don’t rely on toy manufacturer’s marketing pitches since all children vary in terms of what toys are right for them. “The goal is always to encourage curiosity but not over or under stimulate the child,” advises Risigo-Wickline.

Don’t neglect your other children. “Parents of a special needs child can sometimes feel so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of caring for this child that they tend to let their other children operate on ‘autopilot,’” explains Risigo-Wickline. She suggests setting aside a special time every day for each child.

Read and sing to your child. Risigo-Wickline says that regardless of the child’s age or developmental level, it’s always so important to read to them, and if you’re comfortable, to sing. In addition to stimulating verbal development, the sound of your voice is comforting and soothing.

Take time to have fun with your child. Don’t let doctors’ appointments and worry about your child’s future take over your life, says Risigo-Wickline: “Take time to experience the joy of having such a special child in your life. Learn to just let go of any worries and have fun. Children all have important lessons to teach us.”

Risigo-Wickline points out that if there were a handbook for parenting special needs, it would encompass much more than ten tips. But she advises that the most important keys to thriving in this situation are finding trusted professional support and finding joy in the moment. “Parenting a special needs child requires a combination of endless love, diligence and faith,” she says.